Ladies, gentlemen, and everybody who kept Sanjaya in the competition, welcome back to American Idol’s audition phase. Or as I affectionately call it, Hell Month. I used to deliberately avoid it because I knew the bad singing would make my ears hurt. Now, it’s the necessary pain before the pleasure of watching the final batch of hopefully competent people make their way to the top. After last season, I have to add the “hopefully.” I just know someone who would’ve made a better Idol than Jordin Sparks got the boot in Hollywood due to a bad day at the wrong moment.
On the topic of getting to Hollywood, in case anyone at home hasn’t figured this out yet, there are people who act as gatekeepers for Paula, Simon and Randy. Which means they are deliberately inflicting the head cases on them for the sake of the cameras. This also gets us some of the neater stories, though, like Joey Catalano and his 200-lb weight loss. Also Temptress Brown the linebacker. She managed to be my favorite person who’s failed to advance ever.
I can’t leave the head cases unmentioned, though touching on all of them would destroy too much of my sanity. I think Ryan Seacrest has selective amnesia when it comes to the worst tantrum ever, as last season featured a large woman in lame who raged far more effectively than last night’s golden child. For sheer editorial cattiness, I have to give props to how they handled “Princess Leia.” Meaning I have to mention her. The kind of sci-fi geek that gives the entire crowd a bad name with an ego the size of the Death Star, her “they picked people who look and sound the same” phone conversation after she was rejected was overlaid with footage of the short, tall, fat, slim, white, brown, and black people who made the cut. Are they biased toward the pretty? Sure. But try telling me that Fantasia and Taylor Hicks sound and look like Kelly Clarkson and Ruben Studdard. C’mon. I dare you.
And check out this collection of the three worst auditions last night. You’ll laugh. You’ll cringe. You’ll wonder who’s been lying to these people.
Tags: HomeGarden, Music, Television
